Choosing our birth place

Ultimately it all boils down to prayer. With each child I have prayed countless times that God would direct us. With Eliana's hospital birth, I learned that although many woman are walked all over and mistreated, it's not an evil place in and of itself. I had previously feared the hospital but through knowledge and experience, found that you CAN have a beautiful birth there!:) With Garrett's home birth... there's no doubt God's hand was in that. Physically speaking, it would have happened exactly the same way if we'd be planning to go to the hospital. I believed I was in such early labor that we wouldn't have left home yet. But instead of having supplies at hand, knowing what to do, and having someone to call while it happened, who came to our home after, we could have panicked, called 911, been carted off to the hospital immediately following the birth. And I learned how beautiful birth really is:)

I have been praying for over a year now that God would show me where our next baby should be born. A few months ago, I officially ruled out home. I can give you my human reasons why, but in the end, it's all about God. Is this birth the exception? Perhaps there will be a reason we need to be there. Or maybe Garrett was the exception. I don't know. But I do know where I will be most comfortable.

Beyond that most important reason, the primary subreason which lead me to this choice is location. We are 35 minutes from the nearest hospital. This was once acceptable to me, but no longer is. These two things (God's leading and location) are the absolute driving factors in my decision.

There is another thing I've been giving thought to. This is a matter of a woman's preference. IF there was a need to transfer from home... would I want to? With Garrett, each time I considered a specific birth possibility, I thought about the need for transfer. And I was okay with that. But for some reason, I feel differently now. The idea of having to climb into the car in the middle of hard labor, possibly with a serious problem, just weighs me down. I hate the thought of it.

I often wonder if I'll receive MORE questions about choosing a hospital birth AFTER a perfect home birth, than when I chose home in the first place! I know it's a truly rare thing to do:) I want people to know that it's not based on fear. I believe that, generally speaking, home birth is as equally safe as hospital birth. I am the last person to say that I fear birth. And I hope that Alabama legislators come to their senses soon and allow midwives to catch babies legally. We need that here.

And on lighter issues, once that decision was made, there are certainly a few perks to giving birth in the more typical location. I won't have to pay extra to get a hearing test for my child. I won't have to make an extra trip to see the pediatrician when my child is just a few days old. We'll save a few dollars (not a huge amount, since our insurance covered half of our home birth). None of these things play into my decision:) Just perks.

I realize the risk of intervention that comes with a hospital birth. I make no apologies for my choice. Please pray that I can find an obstetrician who is patient and concerned more with mother and child than policies and timelines. Pray that we can be respectful of each other and work together to make it beautiful.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Eph. 3:20-21

Some links for others who may be trying to make a decision as well....
Choosing a Place of Birth
Home Birth study
Birthing Choices:Health Care Providers and Birth Locations
Practices that support normal birth
The Home Birth Choice

Praise God!

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.

O Lord, how great are Your works!

February/March 2008

Psalm 139:16, 92:5

Birth story - Kaitlynn

Kaitlynn was born yesterday:) Read her beautiful birth story at BiblicalWomanhood.com.

Birth Quotes

Let nothing disturb you.

Let nothing frighten you.

All things pass.

God is unchangeable.

Patience gains everything.

He who clings to God wants nothing.

God alone is sufficient.

~Teresa of Jesus,

quoted in The Christian Woman's Guide to Childbirth by Debra Evans

Expectations

Gap Between Expectations and Experiences May Affect Women's Ability to Adapt to Early Labor

"The women tended to have very defined expectations of the performance aspects (i.e., what to do) in early labor but were more uncertain about what labor would feel like. This disconnect meant that women had to readjust and reappraise their expectations as early labor set in. "

"Husbands, family members, friends and doulas played important roles in supporting the women as they made decisions about their labors and managed the sensations they were experiencing. "

"This small study suggests that women spend energy and time in early labor sorting out their expectations, devising new plans, managing mixed emotions, and second guessing decisions. Providing women with strategies to anticipate and deal with gaps between expectations and experiences may help them adapt better to early labor and have confidence in their management strategies. "

How do you feel this applies to your own early labor?

With my first, I was given hours of mild labor to slowly adapt. I don't recall mixed emotions or second guessing myself, but I do believe it had alot to do with the way labor played out.

With my second, in that same period of early labor, I DID second guess myself. I remembered how it felt once it really got going and wondering if I was crazy for doing it again. I spent quite awhile sorting it all out in my mind.

What labor feels like would be an interesting discussion as well! It can be very hard to describe. Anyone want to take a shot at it?

Monty Python - Hospital Sketch

Too funny!

(Ignore the extra dumb clips at the end, at the bottom of this video screen.)

Garrett's Birth - January 2006

I had a hard time writing our birth story. Perhaps it's because my own memory of labor is truly the only record we have... there are no pictures to show or other points of view to share. I want to write more than the facts. I want to tell how it felt and let you be in awe of God's goodness, just as I was.

You could say that my body was thinking about having a baby when I went to bed that night. I'd had lots of Braxton Hicks throughout my pregnancy but none that day until bedtime. I'd often go to sleep with those painless contractions and they'd always go away as I rested. This night they persisted, getting more annoying over the next few hours. I slept as much as I could.

At one point Eliana woke up. We snuggled for awhile in my bed:) She wasn't falling back to sleep and I needed rest, so I put her back in her bed. She went right to sleep then. Derek came to bed shortly after.

Around 3 am the 'Braxton Hicks' were distracting enough that I could call them early labor. I woke Derek to tell him that maybe things were happening. It was too soon to know for sure. We talked quietly for awhile, he gave me a nice backrub, then we decided he should go back to sleep. He was willing to stay up if I wanted him to, but no, I wanted to sleep more too.

I did try to sleep. I don't like contractions laying down. But this was such early labor, I didn't want to actually get up. I decided to take a bath. Derek watched me have a contraction as I prepared for my bath and commented that it definitely looked like labor. I brushed it off. It was still very early. I felt so perfect between contractions that I'd start to wonder if they'd stopped.

I took my hot bath by candlelight... it was wonderful:) As I soaked I thought about labor. As a man labors to provide food and shelter for his family, so a woman labors to have a child. The worst pain imaginable? No, certainly not. I am not afraid. It is merely hard work.

The contractions were stronger. I had to consciously relax through them. I started to wonder if this was really worth the trouble... do I really want to feel it all if I don't have to? But yes... I do. Not to be a super-woman. Just for myself. I know I can do it.

In the quiet of the night, in the flickering candlelight, I became determined to make this a wonderful memory. It could be hours or even all day until our baby was born. The power of the contractions might be overwhelming and exhausting by the end, but I would look back and say it was beautiful. This was my son's birthday.

By now my tub water was getting chilly. I got out and dressed in comfortable clothes. It was about 5 am. I knew this was labor now but figured I might as well wait till daylight to wake people up. There would be plenty of time. I drank some water and lit a second candle as I swayed my hips or squatted through a few easy contractions.

I had a cheap exercise ball ready for just this time. I set my candles down, picked up my journal that I am writing for Garrett, and sat on the ball.

Wow, the next contraction caught me off-guard. Must be sitting on the ball, I figured. Some positions just aren't comfortable. I had no better place to sit with the candles nearby, so I just stayed there. It was bearable. I timed contractions for the first time. 5:12, 5:17, 5:22... well, they were 5 minutes apart all day when Eliana was born. No big deal. These were really short, about 30 seconds long.

They did start without much warning. With Eliana I had time to completely let go and relax my whole body. These kept surprising me. I would try to relax or rock on the ball and then they'd stop almost as quickly as they'd begun. And I'd go back to writing.

5:30, 5:33... those were close...

5:35... well, that was just a small one, it hardly counts.

I was feeling tired and wanted to lay my head down. Not wanting to really lay down, I set the journal aside and sat on the floor next to the couch so I could rest my head on the cushions. Maybe I could sneak some more sleep before labor really got going.

Then came the fun part:)

I think I was squatting when the next contraction began. But this was no ordinary contraction. Without warning, without real labor pain, dilation was complete. My body was pushing this baby out. I was awed and shocked! I felt his body descending through my own.

When that contraction had ended, I ran to the bathroom, washed my hands, and felt for him. I didn't have to reach far - less than an inch in was the unbroken water bag. I felt his head in less than an inch and a half.

I called for Derek. He didn't hear me. I called him again. And again. He finally heard what he calls "screaming". I call it a woman trying to get her husband to wake up cause she's about to give birth!

He came in and I told him what was happening and to call our midwife. Another pushing contraction came and I wouldn't let him leave the room.

He called and she said they were on their way.

Another one and the water broke into the toilet. Very convenient:)

I had Derek spread out a blanket that was nearby so that I could get on the floor. I didn't want this baby born into the toilet!

The baby's head pushed to crowning. I felt it burning and let go of all my desires to help my body push. I knew I could tear with him coming so fast. I half squatted, half kneeled with my hand on his head, as if that might slow him down somehow. I moaned and hollered, not from pain or fear, but because of the intensity and power. I couldn't help but vocalize as my uterus worked so hard and quickly to birth my baby.

Derek called our sister-in-law Letisha, who lives next door, and told her to come over right away! She heard my moans and recognized them from Eliana's birth. I asked Derek, "Can you see his head?" He calmly replied that he could see it, while the reality hit him that this baby was coming RIGHT NOW.

The baby's head appeared. His precious, wet, sticky body slipped into our hands. In the silence of the morning, alone in our bathroom, our son was born.

---

Immediately after his birth, Derek called his mom who also lives next to us. She heard her grandson's cry and was here within minutes:) Letisha arrived just before she did.

That morning was precious. We did not cut his cord until the midwives arrived. I hadn't torn at all, despite his fast arrival. Since I was already in the bathroom, I was able to step right into the tub to clean up (I may try to plan it that way next time!). Then I slipped into my bed to get to know our new little one.

Eliana woke and met her new brother. She's loved him ever since:)

Letisha and Derek's mom were wonderful and I can never thank them enough for all their help! And Derek... well, I do believe he's the most amazing man in the whole world:) I am so blessed.

If I had the choice, I wouldn't change a thing about Garrett's birth. Then again... maybe next time I'll have Derek grab the video camera instead of the phone:)

Eliana's Birth - April 2004

Eliana’s entrance into the world really did change my life. Obviously, I now have a child to care for! But it’s so much more than that. I never knew I could adore someone so much. I love my husband dearly. I do not love Eliana more... but it’s different. I can’t get enough of her. Yes, she frustrates me sometimes! But I can’t stop looking at her! Her face is beautiful. Every move she makes is adorable. Every skill she learns is amazing.

Her birth also changed the way I view myself. I have given birth. I am a woman, not just because a certain chromosome combination made me female, but by God’s design. I am no longer a child myself, I am a mother. I have done what no man can. I have carried a child and brought that child into the world.

Eliana is our third child. The first was born into heaven five weeks after conception, on March 11, 2002. Our second child joined his/her older sibling on March 3, 2003, only three short weeks after conception.

God timed everything perfectly for this third baby. I had worked at a day care that summer and had just quit because, quite frankly, I hated the job. Derek had just been offered a new, better job and would start in 2 weeks. My period was late, I tested, and we were honestly so surprised! We just laughed!

We were so excited and also so nervous because of our previous miscarriages. Every twinge convinced me that we were losing the baby. I would take long walks just because I couldn’t stand another minute sitting in the house worrying. But then I would worry that getting too hot would hurt the baby, that raising my heart rate might hurt the baby, just moving scared me!

But each day went by problem-free. Not a bit of spotting. Not even any morning sickness. We finally started telling non-family members about the baby (family had known all along). We started to think that maybe God was gonna let us keep this one :)

On April 24, 2004, two days before my due date, we went visiting family. Derek and his brother started being goofy and I laughed so hard! I was getting sharp pains in my belly every time I laughed and finally told them they just had to stop!

Later in the evening we went to see some friends. I had my normal Braxton Hicks contractions all night and with each one (and also every time I moved), my belly ached from all that laughing. By 9 pm, my back was sore (as usual), I had braxton hicks galore (as usual), my legs were swollen (as usual), and I was just plain tired (as usual!). Things were pretty normal for an almost completed pregnancy, though I did feel a little extra sore and tired. I crashed into bed by 10:30, surrounded by three or four pillows.

Around 1 am I woke to a new feeling. These felt like mild menstrual cramps. I laid in bed and watched the clock. They were 4-8 minutes apart. No big deal. After 40 minutes or so, I got up to use the bathroom and discovered a small amount of brown blood. I knew that something was up, though it didn’t necessarily mean that true labor was about to start. I let Derek know and laid back down to try to get more sleep.

Really though, who can sleep when you think you might meet your baby soon? I tried, really I did. But every few minutes I’d get that crampy feeling and I was so distracted that I couldn’t sleep. Derek and I decided to get up and play Nintendo for a little while. Then I tried to sleep again, or at least just rest.

By 6 am, the contractions had changed a bit, but it still wasn’t clear whether they’d stick around. We decided to call family and let them know it could be the day. We knew they’d want to know right from the start.

We went for an early morning walk. Our neighbors were sitting outside and we stopped to quickly say hello. We didn’t want to let them know what was up. I had one contraction while we talked but it wasn’t hard to hide. We walked until it started to rain, maybe about 20 minutes. When I walked, the contractions increased. When I stopped, they slowed down.

Back at our apartment, we relaxed and ate breakfast. Closer to noon, we decided to go walking again. It was drizzling outside so we walked around Target. Around and around until we got bored, then moved on to another store. Again, when I walked the contractions got stronger and closer. When I stopped, they immediately slowed down. I didn’t know if I should walk until I dropped or rest and wait! We walked a little while longer then went back home.

I called my mom, ate a light lunch, and used the internet, stopping every 5 minutes for a contraction. Around 3 pm, I got off the computer and kneeled next to the bed to rock and soothe my aching pelvis. Rocking seemed to have the same effect as walking. I was hit with several hard contractions, some less than 2 minutes apart! Derek and I both agreed that we should head to the hospital.

Naturally, by the time we got there, the contractions were farther apart again! They hooked me up to some monitors and asked a bunch of questions. The nurse checked me. I was only 3 ½ cm dilated. Oh well, I knew it was still early. I felt kind of dumb to be there with such wimpy contractions. The nurse told us to walk around the Labor & Delivery floor until 5 pm (it was 3:30), then we’d check again and see if I’d be admitted or go back home. She said to stay on the floor and not eat anything.

So we walked some more. My sister-in-law came to join us. As usual, contractions increased significantly with walking. I didn’t feel as dumb about being there. We needed to find a phone so we went down a floor. Then I got hungry so we rested in a back waiting room and had a drink and a snack.

This labor thing was clearly starting to kick in. I had to stop with each contraction. My whole pelvic region tightened and ached.

Five o’clock came so we walked back to the nurses station. I was checked again - 5 cm. Yay, progress! Two centimeters in two hours. I was admitted to the same room that my nephew was born in 18 months earlier. Pretty neat:)

We had been walking so much that I just wanted to chill for awhile. Everything started to blur together at that point. They gave me a heplock as a precaution.

I started shaking and feeling unsure of whether I could do this. Letisha (sister-in-law) and I both knew those are normal signs of transition. Because I knew it was normal, the feeling of uncertainty didn’t last long. Letisha assured me that I was doing great. She was so encouraging! I sat in the tub awhile but didn’t find it very comfortable. I got out and was checked again. This time I was 7 cm. Still about a centimeter an hour. Not really transition yet, but moving right along.

I found that I had to relax my whole body as soon as I felt that a contraction was coming. Otherwise I was overwhelmed and felt completely out of control. I would just let go before it took over. There was no stopping it. It consumed me.

Between those rushes, I nearly fell asleep. I was so tired. Probably from not sleeping all night then walking all day!

The nurse told me to let her know when I started feeling pressure so she could call the doctor, who was not at the hospital. The feeling crept up slowly. I let her know. Eventually it turned into an urge to push. She checked me again and I was only 9 or 9 ½ with a lip. I was advised not to push yet. That was no easy task! Letisha reminded me to pant instead of push. Derek was always right there next to me. I don’t remember specific things that he did. But I remember him holding me and I know how comforting his arms were.

My mother-in-law had arrived a few hours earlier though I don’t remember it much! She was recording the birth for us.

They told me I could push. So I did. I know many women say pushing is a relief. The only good thing for me was that I didn’t have to NOT push! The pressure on my lower back, hips and legs was so intense. “Ache” doesn’t begin to describe it. With each push my belly hurt so bad, the same pain that had been there since laughing the day before.

I kept thinking, I can’t do this again. I can’t push another time. But I did. I pushed and rested, pushed and rested. I was on my elbows and knees, resting my head down between contractions. I was almost completely incoherent. I didn’t know who was in the room and I didn’t care. I only remember lifting out of the fog twice. Once when they were getting all the “birth tools” ready and I said, “We don’t want the cord cut immediately.” Someone laughed and said they knew. I guessed they laughed because I was completely out of it except to say that! Then I remember realizing that Derek was not right there and I wanted him. I looked up and called for him and he came to me.

I knew I’d been pushing for awhile but I didn’t know how long. Again, I didn’t care. Heard voices wondering to each other if I’d be better off upright. If you have any suggestions for a birthing woman, you’d better tell her directly and make it an order, not an optional idea! I was exhausted. I didn’t move.

A little while later someone did tell me that maybe I should move. It was so hard to respond and especially hard to move. But I knew she was right. I dragged my knees up and squatted, still facing the back of the bed.

I leaned on Derek, I pulled on the bed handles, I pushed with all the power I could summon. Slowly, slowly, slowly, a patch of wet, squishy scalp appeared. I felt it. It felt so strange! So hairy and smushy.

And it burned! Oh, it burned! I felt like my skin might rip open all the way up to my belly button! Letisha told me to pant when it burned. My urge was to keep pushing and just get it over with but I knew she was right.

So I panted then I pushed, then panted, then pushed. Her head was halfway out. I stopped pushing. The doctor asked me if I was having a contraction right then. I realized that I didn’t even know anymore when I was or when I wasn’t. I just pushed. He suggested I push while I wasn’t having a contraction. I pushed with all my might and out slipped her little head, all covered in dark brown hair.

The doctor told me I was through, let him do the work now. I figured she wasn’t out yet so I mustn’t be completely done! As he gently tugged her body out, I gave just a little push.
She was beautiful but all I could think was, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done! I was so glad it was over!

Derek and Letisha helped me turn around so I could rest back in the bed and hold my gorgeous baby. She was amazing. Her cry was so quiet and beautiful. She reached up and touched my hand:)

The doctor felt the umbilical cord to see if it was still pulsing. They wrapped her in new dry blankets. As I held her, Derek cut her cord.

Thankfully, in spite of feeling like I got ripped in half, I had no tears. Everything had gone beautifully. It was the hardest, most intense, most difficult thing I’ve ever done. But you know... it really was worth it!

About this blog

So I've started a new blog! Four posts in one night and still not a soul knows it exists. This is an outlet for me and hopefully an encouragement to anyone who is inclined to read! I love learning about childbirth and would like a place to share what I learn. My focus in all my own reading is natural birth, therefore that will, of course, be the focus here:) I don't claim to know much of anything... I just have a desire to learn.

My obstetrician once told me that less than 10% of his patients wanted to deliver naturally. About 5% did. I believe in each woman having the information to make a decision about what is best for HER. I respect every informed woman who chooses to use pain relief:) The problem I find is that there is little support for the woman who chooses otherwise.

QUESTION OF THE DAY (or week or month or however often I ask questions!):
What is ONE thing that you believe to be one of the biggest factors in a woman achieving her goal of a natural birth? There are many things, I know:) So let's all share!

My own answer would be female support. A woman who's already given birth naturally. When she tells you, "You're doing great", you can believe her, cause she's been there!

One more related quote to close my evening....

"In [other cultures] every female is included, and young girls learn about birth at first hand... 'Unlike women in the West, few women in this group would give birth not having witnessed and helped with the birth of other babies.'"

Rediscovering Birth by Sheila Kitzinger (one of my favorite books about childbirth in general)

Pure Birth

"Purebirth is not a cry or demand for perfection. There have been enough demands made of women already. Purebirth can be long and loud. It can be painful, and it can withstand pain as well as periods of tension and impatience. But it is pure because it is our own. It is not Pitocin's labor or Demerol's labor or the doctor's labor. It is something that we do ourselves, for ourselves, and for our babies."

Silent Knife by Nancy Wainer Cohen & Lois J. Estner, 1983

Letting Go

"Where they went wrong was that their techniques were diversionary rather than confrontational. While encouraging us to distance ourselves from the birth experience through controlled breathing, hypnosis, or Pavlovian responses to stimuli, they overlooked our intrinsic need to confront and assimilate our birth experiences. No doubt acting from their own male conditioning, they convinced us that we needed to stay in control during labor. Phrases such as 'childbirth without fear', 'childbirth without pain', and 'prepared childbirth' fooled us into thinking that we could master the uncontrollable forces that work with us during labor.

"'To stay in control,' says Lynn (Browne) Richards, 'is only our human fallacious attempt of gaining power over the all encompassing force of nature - of staying in control of our own mortality.' She suggests that instead of seeking to stay in control, we must choose to 'let go - to let go of our fears, our egos, and our very desire to control.' Rather than screaming in terror at the approaching waves, rather than trying to stoically withstand their force, we can choose to welcome them and rise them in to shore. Like body surfing, labor can be and should be a way or 'going with the flow.'"

Silent Knife by Nancy Wainer Cohen & Lois J. Estner, 1983

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

"I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knowth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are they thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!"

Psalm 139:14-17