Eliana's Birth - April 2004

Eliana’s entrance into the world really did change my life. Obviously, I now have a child to care for! But it’s so much more than that. I never knew I could adore someone so much. I love my husband dearly. I do not love Eliana more... but it’s different. I can’t get enough of her. Yes, she frustrates me sometimes! But I can’t stop looking at her! Her face is beautiful. Every move she makes is adorable. Every skill she learns is amazing.

Her birth also changed the way I view myself. I have given birth. I am a woman, not just because a certain chromosome combination made me female, but by God’s design. I am no longer a child myself, I am a mother. I have done what no man can. I have carried a child and brought that child into the world.

Eliana is our third child. The first was born into heaven five weeks after conception, on March 11, 2002. Our second child joined his/her older sibling on March 3, 2003, only three short weeks after conception.

God timed everything perfectly for this third baby. I had worked at a day care that summer and had just quit because, quite frankly, I hated the job. Derek had just been offered a new, better job and would start in 2 weeks. My period was late, I tested, and we were honestly so surprised! We just laughed!

We were so excited and also so nervous because of our previous miscarriages. Every twinge convinced me that we were losing the baby. I would take long walks just because I couldn’t stand another minute sitting in the house worrying. But then I would worry that getting too hot would hurt the baby, that raising my heart rate might hurt the baby, just moving scared me!

But each day went by problem-free. Not a bit of spotting. Not even any morning sickness. We finally started telling non-family members about the baby (family had known all along). We started to think that maybe God was gonna let us keep this one :)

On April 24, 2004, two days before my due date, we went visiting family. Derek and his brother started being goofy and I laughed so hard! I was getting sharp pains in my belly every time I laughed and finally told them they just had to stop!

Later in the evening we went to see some friends. I had my normal Braxton Hicks contractions all night and with each one (and also every time I moved), my belly ached from all that laughing. By 9 pm, my back was sore (as usual), I had braxton hicks galore (as usual), my legs were swollen (as usual), and I was just plain tired (as usual!). Things were pretty normal for an almost completed pregnancy, though I did feel a little extra sore and tired. I crashed into bed by 10:30, surrounded by three or four pillows.

Around 1 am I woke to a new feeling. These felt like mild menstrual cramps. I laid in bed and watched the clock. They were 4-8 minutes apart. No big deal. After 40 minutes or so, I got up to use the bathroom and discovered a small amount of brown blood. I knew that something was up, though it didn’t necessarily mean that true labor was about to start. I let Derek know and laid back down to try to get more sleep.

Really though, who can sleep when you think you might meet your baby soon? I tried, really I did. But every few minutes I’d get that crampy feeling and I was so distracted that I couldn’t sleep. Derek and I decided to get up and play Nintendo for a little while. Then I tried to sleep again, or at least just rest.

By 6 am, the contractions had changed a bit, but it still wasn’t clear whether they’d stick around. We decided to call family and let them know it could be the day. We knew they’d want to know right from the start.

We went for an early morning walk. Our neighbors were sitting outside and we stopped to quickly say hello. We didn’t want to let them know what was up. I had one contraction while we talked but it wasn’t hard to hide. We walked until it started to rain, maybe about 20 minutes. When I walked, the contractions increased. When I stopped, they slowed down.

Back at our apartment, we relaxed and ate breakfast. Closer to noon, we decided to go walking again. It was drizzling outside so we walked around Target. Around and around until we got bored, then moved on to another store. Again, when I walked the contractions got stronger and closer. When I stopped, they immediately slowed down. I didn’t know if I should walk until I dropped or rest and wait! We walked a little while longer then went back home.

I called my mom, ate a light lunch, and used the internet, stopping every 5 minutes for a contraction. Around 3 pm, I got off the computer and kneeled next to the bed to rock and soothe my aching pelvis. Rocking seemed to have the same effect as walking. I was hit with several hard contractions, some less than 2 minutes apart! Derek and I both agreed that we should head to the hospital.

Naturally, by the time we got there, the contractions were farther apart again! They hooked me up to some monitors and asked a bunch of questions. The nurse checked me. I was only 3 ½ cm dilated. Oh well, I knew it was still early. I felt kind of dumb to be there with such wimpy contractions. The nurse told us to walk around the Labor & Delivery floor until 5 pm (it was 3:30), then we’d check again and see if I’d be admitted or go back home. She said to stay on the floor and not eat anything.

So we walked some more. My sister-in-law came to join us. As usual, contractions increased significantly with walking. I didn’t feel as dumb about being there. We needed to find a phone so we went down a floor. Then I got hungry so we rested in a back waiting room and had a drink and a snack.

This labor thing was clearly starting to kick in. I had to stop with each contraction. My whole pelvic region tightened and ached.

Five o’clock came so we walked back to the nurses station. I was checked again - 5 cm. Yay, progress! Two centimeters in two hours. I was admitted to the same room that my nephew was born in 18 months earlier. Pretty neat:)

We had been walking so much that I just wanted to chill for awhile. Everything started to blur together at that point. They gave me a heplock as a precaution.

I started shaking and feeling unsure of whether I could do this. Letisha (sister-in-law) and I both knew those are normal signs of transition. Because I knew it was normal, the feeling of uncertainty didn’t last long. Letisha assured me that I was doing great. She was so encouraging! I sat in the tub awhile but didn’t find it very comfortable. I got out and was checked again. This time I was 7 cm. Still about a centimeter an hour. Not really transition yet, but moving right along.

I found that I had to relax my whole body as soon as I felt that a contraction was coming. Otherwise I was overwhelmed and felt completely out of control. I would just let go before it took over. There was no stopping it. It consumed me.

Between those rushes, I nearly fell asleep. I was so tired. Probably from not sleeping all night then walking all day!

The nurse told me to let her know when I started feeling pressure so she could call the doctor, who was not at the hospital. The feeling crept up slowly. I let her know. Eventually it turned into an urge to push. She checked me again and I was only 9 or 9 ½ with a lip. I was advised not to push yet. That was no easy task! Letisha reminded me to pant instead of push. Derek was always right there next to me. I don’t remember specific things that he did. But I remember him holding me and I know how comforting his arms were.

My mother-in-law had arrived a few hours earlier though I don’t remember it much! She was recording the birth for us.

They told me I could push. So I did. I know many women say pushing is a relief. The only good thing for me was that I didn’t have to NOT push! The pressure on my lower back, hips and legs was so intense. “Ache” doesn’t begin to describe it. With each push my belly hurt so bad, the same pain that had been there since laughing the day before.

I kept thinking, I can’t do this again. I can’t push another time. But I did. I pushed and rested, pushed and rested. I was on my elbows and knees, resting my head down between contractions. I was almost completely incoherent. I didn’t know who was in the room and I didn’t care. I only remember lifting out of the fog twice. Once when they were getting all the “birth tools” ready and I said, “We don’t want the cord cut immediately.” Someone laughed and said they knew. I guessed they laughed because I was completely out of it except to say that! Then I remember realizing that Derek was not right there and I wanted him. I looked up and called for him and he came to me.

I knew I’d been pushing for awhile but I didn’t know how long. Again, I didn’t care. Heard voices wondering to each other if I’d be better off upright. If you have any suggestions for a birthing woman, you’d better tell her directly and make it an order, not an optional idea! I was exhausted. I didn’t move.

A little while later someone did tell me that maybe I should move. It was so hard to respond and especially hard to move. But I knew she was right. I dragged my knees up and squatted, still facing the back of the bed.

I leaned on Derek, I pulled on the bed handles, I pushed with all the power I could summon. Slowly, slowly, slowly, a patch of wet, squishy scalp appeared. I felt it. It felt so strange! So hairy and smushy.

And it burned! Oh, it burned! I felt like my skin might rip open all the way up to my belly button! Letisha told me to pant when it burned. My urge was to keep pushing and just get it over with but I knew she was right.

So I panted then I pushed, then panted, then pushed. Her head was halfway out. I stopped pushing. The doctor asked me if I was having a contraction right then. I realized that I didn’t even know anymore when I was or when I wasn’t. I just pushed. He suggested I push while I wasn’t having a contraction. I pushed with all my might and out slipped her little head, all covered in dark brown hair.

The doctor told me I was through, let him do the work now. I figured she wasn’t out yet so I mustn’t be completely done! As he gently tugged her body out, I gave just a little push.
She was beautiful but all I could think was, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done! I was so glad it was over!

Derek and Letisha helped me turn around so I could rest back in the bed and hold my gorgeous baby. She was amazing. Her cry was so quiet and beautiful. She reached up and touched my hand:)

The doctor felt the umbilical cord to see if it was still pulsing. They wrapped her in new dry blankets. As I held her, Derek cut her cord.

Thankfully, in spite of feeling like I got ripped in half, I had no tears. Everything had gone beautifully. It was the hardest, most intense, most difficult thing I’ve ever done. But you know... it really was worth it!